Living Passionately

I truly believe the most responsible thing we could do for ourselves is to pursue our dreams. When we do we live our life with passion, that is also when we are most alive and have the most to offer the world. I have lived a number of my lofty dreams in the recent years, that only further affirms this belief. You see, there is something ultimately good and right about following our dreams. With every one I lived I come to realize dreams are expressions of our soul, and through our dreams we come to discover for ourselves who we truly are at the core of our being.

Whenever I do a photo shoot session with people to create their portrait, I aim to capture the essence of who they are. So when they look at their own portrait it would inspire them to be their best self. I soon notice the quickest way to bring out a person's essence is to have them talk about what they are most passionate about. That's when I realized there is a connection between pursuing dreams, living passionately and from the depth of one's essence.

I enjoy connecting with people who are living their dreams. There is something naturally attractive about them, it's like they are lit from within. Sort of like a firefly, so full of light they light up their surrounding. I get very excited for someone when I see them going after their dreams. I've had many who have supported me and believed in me to pursue my dreams, now I do the same for others whenever I see the opportunity. The more fireflies the brighter the world is.

When we shift our focus from fixing what is out there to doing what is most responsible we could do for ourselves, we are actually giving to the world in a big way. Seeing sustainability with New Eyes. How's that for a different take to the term "a sustainable world"?

Focus On What Matters Most

This week I’m most grateful for many more blessings, strong love, tremendous support and important realization on stay focus on what matters most to me.

There is a difference in insisting getting exactly what I wanted and recognizing when something even better has shown up instead. The difference is in the focus. Am I focusing on insisting getting exactly what I want or am I focus on the big vision? The former implies a degree of wanting to control the outcome, the latter, more of a degree of command in invoking the magic of life. This command comes from a place of knowing and trusting the deeper and bigger power that is within me and beyond my thinking.

I've submitted my application for the voluntary separation program a couple of weeks ago and just heard back last Friday afternoon it has been approved with my last day being Oct 1st. I had 48 hours to consider the offer. I was hoping for Oct 31st and I was expecting miracle so when I saw the date of Oct 1st I was disappointed. Good thing I remembered the part about don't be attached to unimportant details. Though a month's pay isn't unimportant at that moment, what is more important is remembering where my commitment lies, to my vision or to getting exactly what I wanted. You see, the Universe always knows how to get what I want to me in the fastest and easiest way, my job in manifesting is to get really clear on my asking, recognize when the Universe delivers and receive it with gratitude. It ain't my job to worry about how my asking gets delivered. So I signed and faxed the resignation agreement back that same afternoon. Trusting this would work to my greatest advantage, serving my highest good. Everyone knows it is important to focus, what we should regularly check in to see is if we are focusing on what matters most to us.

So much is happening so quickly my mind is having a hard time trying to analyze and does what it usually does - wanting to control. This actually works to my advantage, providing me the opportunity to go with my intuition. Like in letting my instinct take over more and more, trusting that my heart KNOWS.

I AM My Own Captain (starship Virnaprise ready for launch)

This week I'm most grateful for the multitudes of events that impacted me for some pretty awesome growth; the love, support and bonds of friendship I'm surrounded with; and for finding myself standing on the edge of yet another major change in my life.

I have control issue. That is not what I wanted to discuss here. What I'm so excited and eager to share is that I just discovered how to shift out of CONTROL! Last Wednesday I received an email at work announcing the voluntary separation program (voluntary layoff in layman) that is open for enrollment immediately for 2 weeks. My emotional energy took a nose dive for a couple of days until I remember one of the BIGGIES I wanted to manifest this year has just manifested. I wanted to leave my day time job to pursue my photography career full time this year and I want to do so on my terms, not at a layoff like what happened to my best teammates at work last year. And THIS IS IT!

Then I spent the next 3 days going around in circle - from excited to worried to thrilled to scared back to excited. My logical mind says to get more info so I have a better understanding of where I stand financially. Another 2 days went by, I've only gotten to printing, yes, PRINTING, out the info on the voluntary separation program. One would think I would be zipping around gathering data because I am excited about all the possibilities this decision will open up for me.

So why the resistance? I finally understood, while having the possibilities are exciting, the not-knowing is so killing me. That is where my control issue lies. I want to know how I am getting from here to there. Every single steps all mapped out before I begin my journey. Like how I would Google-map the full route before going somewhere. The thing is I'm confusing CONTROL with COMMAND. Captain Kirk would determine where Enterprise would go next from the data his officers presented him and say, "chart a direct course to take us there". That, is command. I would gladly give up control for command. Whenever I feel my control issue kicks in, that would be my signal to check where am I not trusting the Universe would chart the most direct and fastest route to take me to where I desire to go.

Now, as the commander of my own star ship, Captain Virna gets to determine her preferences for this transition. For starters, let it be gentle for me, each step something I could ease into. Heaven knows I have done enough of proving I can handle tough now on this piggy goes wee wee wee easy all the way HOME. Just like that ease of sharing my enthusiasm and passion on connecting to our New Eyes and working with the camera to capture the simple beauty all around us - so much fun, excitement and oh-so-easy I don't even need to think about it!

At any given time I'm one moment away from making a move that would take me there, toward a new reality I want to create. With the Universe on my side ready to fulfill my heart's desire galore, asking me Do I dare? Do I trust? Yes. Oh YES! YES! YES! YES A MILLION TIMES YES! Now on, I get to live from moment to moment, listening to my intuition, following my heart's guidance, with much trust, patience and faith, allowing the Universe to unfold for me the awesome wonders and gifts it has to give me. Arms out, palms up, fingers spread, heart wide open and willing - I am secure in the knowing now on the transition will be gentle and easy for me.

Can you feel that strong crackling energy that one is so charged with standing right at the edge of something wonderfully big? It's strong, it's heady and could be very intense too. If you feel you wanted to take a drink from it, please do! There's plenty where that comes from ;)

I'm POWERFUL Beyond Measure

Ever since I sensed this presence of a Giant within me more than a decade ago, I have been on a quest to unlock it. Then I spent many more years working at stepping into it. Now I finally got it, to step into my power I have to OWN it.

I've been treating it like there is some sort of rite of passage that I needed to go through in order to step into my power, and so I worked at it. Perhaps unconsciously I over-glorified it so when I accomplished it I would prove to myself just how impressive my effort had been.

In a recent awakening I come to realize I'm so much more powerful than I thought I am. I'm not talking about my potential, but of what I'm truly capable of that is in my natural ability. Ability that comes from the heart, which differs from that which is recognized by my mind. My mind has perceived image of who I am along with what I'm capable of. But every so often I would do something that I would afterward be so surprised that I actually did it. Like in, where did THAT come from? Indeed, where did that come from?

It came from a place outside of my mental knowing yet within my inner knowing. Owning my power means consciously acknowledging my abilities especially those that I thought was beyond my comprehension. I didn't have to know how I did it, just that I could do it. Without repeated evidence. Without validation from people around me. For example, I heal with my words and kindness, I teach with my learning and realizations, I lead with my passion and my charisma. These are all as real as I seeing with my heart. Now on, no more playing small, I AM all the above. And through me owning my power, I also indirectly give other people permission to do the same.

I'm AWE-full

To set about manifesting something and then being utterly surprised that it manifested - how often have you done that? As I worked on consciously aligning my intentions with my thoughts, my words and my actions, I started experiencing my manifestation on a more frequent basis.

With that something else have come to my attention - each time my intention gets manifested I seem surprised, almost shocked even, that it manifested. I remember, expecting is part of manifesting. So I wonder how come I still experience a sense of surprise when my intention get manifested. I mean, I AM very excited when it manifested, I also noticed I kept saying "I can't believe this actually happens!" A lot. And that somehow doesn't sit well inside me. Then a very wise friend pointed out to me that feeling is more of a feeling of in awe than a feeling of surprised and suggested that I replace "I can't believe . . ." with "I'm in awe . . .". Once I started shifting I immediately notice the difference in my energy when I use "I'm in awe" in sharing my excitement of discovering my manifested intention.

The more I share my excitement in this powerfully allowing energy, the more thoughts get manifested which only gets me even more excited. Supercharging my manifesting engine and perpetuating it on a powerful upward spiral. I believe I've discovered the other secret to manifesting!

I-Get-To Shift

I just learnt the power of the phrase "I get to". I need to get this translation project completed, after that I need to do the post shoot lab work for the photoshoot from the previous week. After that, I need to quickly get back on track with working on building my new website. Just saying that is already tiring. But when I swap that "I need to" to "I get to" . . . I get to do this translation project and get paid doing it! When I finished this project, I get to work on the rest of the post shoot lab work for the previous week shoot! When I finish that I get to work on building my new website! Wow can you feel the change in the energy? Then I said it out loud and my energy just shot up the ceiling! And so I went "When I finish this translation project, I get to have tiramisu, I get to treat myself to a home spa experience, I get to sleep till I wake up naturally, I get to go see the Eclipse movie with Tracy . . . " That kept me going working round the clock for 2 days with just 3 hours sleep each.

Don't worry, I have no intention of turning this working-round-the-clock into a life style, it would be SO not in alignment with my work-life balance intention.

Secret of The Phoenix Theory

I just took on a translation project to translate the content of a company's website from English to Chinese. The biggest challenge for me in my translation project was translating someone else's story. It was slow moving, my mind was slipping away, I wanted to go to sleep and forget about it. Instead I skipped over onto other less challenging parts. Finally I noticed avoiding it is draining more energy from me than if I were to do it.

Houston, we are way passed just-do-it, now entering NAIL-it-already! With that resolution I buckled down and refocus on the CEO's story. It was most difficult and the urge to run away from it kept coming up. I also knew that it is when I wanted to run away most that I needed to stay. I realized it was frustration that I was really wanting to avoid so I stopped running and just fully submerged myself and BE that frustration. I kept breathing into that and discovered that it felt just like the feeling of wanting to reach out for something yet at the same time trying to hold back. Very frustrating, very uncomfortable. It felt like a bunch of unsettled energy whirling inside me. Once I got that I imagined myself as a container for the unsettled energy to settle. The energy settled. Calm. Serenity. And guess what? I had a break through! I started to THINK of the CEO's story in Mandarin!

That was the turning point. It's like the phoenix story, mostly we heard of the action part and the result part: willingness to go into the flames and stay in it regardless the burning discomfort. From the ash the phoenix is reborn. What I just realized is that something else "up there" (in the head) needs to happen before one can understand and be inspired to take that action. That something is "Know thyself and be true to thyself". Two together is how the "rebirth of the phoenix" happens.

Live. Play. R&R.

Just realized something else from my falling off track and finding my way back previous week. Just like I need to rest & recharge my battery after I worked, I also need that after I played, especially if I had played hard.

Play doesn't necessary = R&R.

In fact, I decided I'm keeping them as 2 separate categories. Both are just as vital to my well being.

Paradox

As I pay more attention to my own "battery" gauge, especially with the tight delivery timelines at work as well as with my own business and personal engagements, it just dawn on me that sometimes, it is when I thought I should push myself most that I needed to lay the pushing off of myself.

To move myself forward I need to start with letting go of the pushing. A paradox. I know.

You see, when I find myself taking more energy to push myself than what is needed to get the work done, it is a good indication that the battery level of my mind and/or body is lower than I thought. It is best to listen and honor that. So I took an hour detour at Borders today, giving my mind a chance to unwind, reading comic books.

A Vital Touch of Decadence

It was hard to think about a touch of decadance when I'm over-exhausted. In fact, I didn't even realize I was heading in a downward direction until I was at the bottom of the pit. It has been a very intense couple of weeks, I underestimated the amount of my output and did not adjust my rest & recharge accordingly.

Want to stay at a higher vibrtion, got to keep my battery fully charged - I got it.

The good thing about falling off track is that in finding my way back I realized, a touch of decadence could lead to much needed vitality. A 5-min energy balancing meditation; a little effort to help my body get more hydrated; a 5-min yoga routine break in the middle of the day to breath and stretch; incorporating a quick pressure point massage to increase circulation when I moisturize my face; alternating between a hot and cold burst at the end of my shower to help boost my body's natural detox - all these require me to give myself the luxury of extra time and attention in a very hectic schedule, yet it has made all the difference because it has contributed to my vitality and the improvement of my overall well being.

The Journey of Creation

3 months into the project of rebuilding my website, with the target launch date being adjusted 3 times, I've become unforgiving with myself. I have been monitoring my self-abuse, so I know my self-beating alarm is super sensitive. While I've been patting my back for not beating up myself, what I didn't realize is that the more pressure I feel the more pushy I become with Tracy. Not good for our relationship, not good for the progress of my project for I rely on him for technical assistance in this project.

What awaken me from this was a combination of realizations and practices, starting with the practice of being my lower emotions like frustration, impatience, disappointment, and with my judgement. No matter how uncomfortable that feels. To avoid any of that is to be judgmental, even the avoidance of being judgmental is judgmental in and of itself.

Once I realized the being of judgmental is not what got me in trouble, it is the avoidance, or the resistance, of being judgmental because I deem it "bad" that really got me in trouble with myself; when I'm not being authentic I'm out of alignment with my being. No amount of being "good" is going to get me back to that sense of balance which comes only from an existence based in authenticity. As I went through the exercise of being each emotion and judgment that I've suppressed or circumspect, I started feeling a sense of becoming whole once again, piece by piece. It was gradual. I felt something in me shifted. I feel . . . balance. And with that a moment of clarity. I noticed myself coming out of contraction and becoming open and relaxed.

Which is a very good thing, it allows me to really listen which led to my realization that I was so wound up with making the launch date that I missed a couple of the more fundamental pieces of the building blocks in my project. Without which is like pushing a boulder uphill. In my course correction, I rediscover the joy of creation, which is in the creative process. Much like happiness is a journey, not a destination. I've been overly obsessing over the end product of the creation to the point where the creating becomes a struggle, where is the fun and joy in that? While intensity and passion are potent fuel in creation, this, is definitely sometime else and it sure sucks all the fun out. Time to re-calibrate my focus!

With that I've employ the advanced stickies technique shown by Nancy Duarte to given myself a visual approach that is both stimulating and provocative in defining my menu layout of my new website. Who would have thunk, I needed to take one step back in order to move forward!

Oozing Greatness

I realized my greatness is not conditioned upon my having profound realizations; Not a sliver of profound realization and my greatness wouldn't have flickered or dimmed, not even a wee bit. That's how great this greatness is. So what I really need to focus on is relaxing into this knowing, not trying so hard looking for proof to assert my greatness. What is me could never be lost. And what greatness I glimpsed within me, there's more where that comes from. All I have to do is stop squeezing, milking or juicing it and it would all but ooze out of me, naturally and continually. It couldn't be helped, there is so much greatness within me there is no way I could contain it all inside me. Then again, why would I? Like the divine purpose of an acorn is to grow into a mighty oak tree, the entelechy of my greatness is to flow through me and out into the world.

When I'm all caught up in admonishing myself for not doing enough, I miss out on what great work I do on the work I did get done. That is not honoring my own greatness. I've just discover another red flag - whenever I find myself trying hard to assert my greatness, look instead on where have I fail to honor my greatness.

Got Whoppers?

Have you ever surprised yourself with your own whoppers*? You know - when you’ve gone ahead with the choice that is opposite of what you believe or what you were so sure about and discovered that it wasn’t at all like what you have believed? I’ve had a series of those whoppers in close succession this last week. Some are believes that I was so sure are “true”. Some are memories from bad experiences that somehow over time became my perceived truth. Others started out as good intentions based on practicality and logic which later morphed into unnecessary rules and restrictions. Regardless of what they are, what matters is what they have in common; they are limiting and a lot of the time I don’t even know they are there until I went looking.

More important than pushing boundaries I think is the frequent look into my own thinking to see what am I feeding my mind with regards to “what is possible”. It’s like the periodic spring cleaning we go through with our closet. There are things in there that we have forgotten were in there, and stuff that we don’t even remember how they got in there. Without periodic cleaning out, our closet would soon become a non-functioning one. Just like the closet, the accumulating of such limiting believes, rules and restrictions would turn our mind into a non-functioning one, holding us back from fully experiencing our lives. Besides, what might once be my truth may no longer be my truth because the me now is different from the me a month ago. I am constantly growing, so is my awareness, ever expanding. While I’m excited about pushing boundaries outwards like in jumping out of an airplane, I find it just as exhilarating when I discover a limiting belief and blowing it out of the water. So yeah, those few jolts I got from my whoppers also totally made my week!

* Whopper: a gross untruth. A big lie.

Had my first swedish massage. Very little soreness afterward. yet my back is more relaxed than ever. I thought the harder the pressure = the bigger the payoff? Whopper. Tried Sam's sundae at Bi-rite: chocolate ice-cream + sea salt + olive oil. My taste buds come alive with the layers of exquisite flavors. I thought ice-cream & olive oil = gross?! Whopper. Created my own breakfast sandwich at Specialty's: Ciabatta bread + mozzarella + tomato + basil. Enjoyed every bite of it and my bill? $2.17. I thought it costs more if I order outside of menu! Whopper. Experience my first shower-bath. Cramps gone, hair's clean, I was free floating in the tropical water of Maui & I was enjoying the forbidden pleasure of out in the pool during rain. I thought shampooing while soaking = smelly hair afterward?! Whopper. My laptop roller bag was so light I thought I left out the laptop. All I did is carry my book, water, snacks, wrap and purse in my hand bag and I was effortlessly rolling my laptop around. I thought it would be easy on my arms and back if I keep to having everything on 1 roller bag. Whopper. Just purchased a cell phone after 3 cell-phone-free years. LG 220C flip phone - $39.90, pre-paid plan of 1000 min - $30/month. I thought I had to trade high phone cost for the cuff of a 2-year contract to the service. I thought committing to a cell-phone = adding a ridiculously high monthly phone bill. I thought pre-paid plans = obscenely expensive per-min rate.
Whopper. Whopper. Whopper.

A Touch of Decadence

I just discovered greek yogurt, oh what a decadent dessert! So rich and luxurious in taste and texture. Is it possible to experience an immediate boost to my well being that is so pure in every spoonful of this delicious goodness? Why yes, I just did, the last couple of days! My taste buds were totally singing with excitement and I definitely feel pampered all the way to the core of my being! I've been enjoying my greek yogurt with home-made blueberry topping - YUMMY-LICIOUS!

When I saw Zeena having it last Friday, I asked her what is the difference between greek yogurt and regular yogurt, she said it's decadent. I asked what does that word mean, she explained that it basically means having a quality of richness and luxury to it. That got me thinking. I decided, I'm including decadence to the quality of my life. Starting immediately. How can I add a touch of decadence to my day today? I've notice an immediate upgrade to the enjoyment of my life from day to day with very little effort. We snuck in a big slice of tiramisu ($2.99) to enjoy with our IronMan2 movie in the theater. I added a quality citrus zester ($12.99) to my kitchen tool so I can enjoy more zest in our meals (and our lives too!). Put together a ribbon to-go kit ($0 out of pocket - it's from my existing ribbon collections) to allow me the pleasure of creating a touch of luxury in presentation when gift or gift wrapping occasions come with short notice at my work. I picked up a tin of Masala Chai loose tea ($8.75) from Peet's for my morning enjoyment to start my day. I treat myself to a nice 2nd breakfast (yes I usually have 2 breakfasts on work days) by picking up a sandwich of fresh Ciabatta bread with avocado, tomato and Muenster cheese from Specialty's ($2.95). I can't wait to see what idea comes to my mind next in regard to adding more "simple luxury" to my everyday life. The $ amount in the brackets are reminders for me, since I need to visually see how little it takes to add a touch of decadence in my day. Life is rich and wonderful and it is abundant. No more sipping it through a straw, now on I'm grabbing it with both hands and slurping it right up!

I AM Life

Boat rocking, life rocking; Wind blowing, can't wait for the earth to stand still to take my shots. Life is happening right now amid all the movements. Being in communion with life is embracing its flow of movements. I am the water in the river of life.

I AM life.

My Vibration is Directly Related to the Degree of My Aliveness

I noticed I've been experiencing a higher vibration continuously for the last 3 weeks, very high spirited and happy. I also noticed something else that is consistent in me during this period - I've been continuously following my intuition and connecting with people and sharing my excitement in whichever way that comes to mind. I realized that this spontaneous do-it-now quality is rather refreshing and seems to feed into my staying in the higher vibes. When I make myself wait around unnecessarily to experience my heart's desire, it saps away energy and drops my vibration! When I find myself in lower vibration, it would be good to check in to see where in my life could I up my aliveness at that very moment.

No Effort Is Ever Wasted

Know how we beat ourselves up when we think that we have wasted our effort/time/resources? Recently I've come to realize that no effort is ever wasted. Whatever I have done up until this very moment, is all necessary to get me to this point. Sometimes I need to experience certain things a certain way and perhaps a certain number of times for me to get what I needed to get. It may be some time before this become apparent to me, just because I don't see it doesn't mean it is not serving a purpose. Trusting in this knowing allows me to love myself more, it also frees me from self-abuse.

Magnificence

Only when I realized how truly magnificent I am can I then consciously bring that magnificence into my relationships. My reawakening to my true self benefits more than just me.

We Were Born Very Rich

I was watching this big bug through my lens as I concentrate on a moment of stillness. It was feeding, not just on the pollen, it was tugging off tiny pieces of the center of the flower to munch on. I even heard the tiny "tuck" during the pause between the wind blowing!

I was finding my shots through my lens on this bush of yellow flowers and came across first an interesting bloom that has white mixed in on a few of its petals, then another one next to it that while all its petals are a uniform yellow, looks a little different in the middle. The latter is in earlier bloom stage, with its color all uniform and the tiny stems standing out in the middle of the flower like mini spears and the former is in later bloom stage where the color on some of its petals faded to white, and the tiny stem in its middle have bloomed and each split into 2 perfect curves like mini fleur de lus without the middle spears. Just like us, while in youth our beauty is supple, fresh and perhaps has a shiny sheen to it, our beauty become more interesting and characterized with age.

It is amazing what interesting details and stories we could find in the nature when we take the time to observe. It felt like I have experienced seeing the universe in a grain of sand, twice, in one afternoon. I was indeed born very rich, I truly feel that in my bones. This is what I mean in the vision statement of the New Eye Movement: Richer living through richer seeing.

A Moment of Stillness

Camera Shy

Very strong wind at Joshua Tree National Park while we were there camping last weekend. It was a trip to see and photo shoot the spring blooms in the high desert. Movement and close-ups don't do well together, and the windy condition means plenty of movement on the subject. Every time I have my camera primed for shooting, the wind would start. I got impatient, then exasperated and agitated, and then I noticed I was wishing the weather to be better, more ideal for my shooting. I couldn't help but laughed when I realized how ridiculous it is the idea of asking nature to change her behavior to suite me. Like when I was on the dive boat in Tonga photo shooting the whales and wishing the wind and the wave would stop so that the boat would stop swaying. Ridiculous yet that was what I was wishing for.
And that brought to mind my "boat rocking, life rocking" realization back then. The next thing I know, I was remembering Byron Katie and how she became the woman who made friend with the wind in her book "Loving What Is". Which led me to realize that when I wish for the nature to behave any way other than how nature behaves, I am resisting what is. And when I resist what is, I create unnecessary suffering for myself. It wasn't the wind or the ocean waves that cause my suffering, they are just doing what they always do, it is my wishing them to be different that caused my suffering!
Once I got that, I shifted, I asked instead for a moment of stillness between gust of wind. That became my focus for the rest of the trip. When I spot new blooms I wanted to shoot, I would go ahead, prime my camera, watch the bloom through my lens, ask for a moment of stillness, concentrate on my breath, inhale, exhale, taking slow, deep, full breath after breath. Then the bloom would stand still for a moment or two during the pause between one gust of wind and the next. And I took my shots.
I came home with an absolute abundant beautiful shots of desert blooms. It was a most fulfilling and rewarding photo shoot trip, in more ways than one.

No Buts

Have you ever been surprised by what you discover coming out of your mouth? I have. Many times. The more I pay attention to it the more I discover what I've been unconsciously doing that is self sabotaging and the sooner I could get myself out of my way. For example the word "but", such a simple 3 letter word that could make such subtle yet big difference. I find it is commonly used with excuses, justifications, obligations, rationalization and inauthenticity which all lead to keeping me away from being my true self. I also notice the word "but" is not found in the simple, direct language of my deeper truth. Whenever I catch myself thinking or saying "but", that's my queue to check if I am unconsciously making excuses, justifications, rationalization, if my actions have been unconsciously driven by obligations, if I have unconsciously been unauthentic in my communication. Like non-verbal communication and body language, the words we use whether in our communication with ourselves or with others, help shape us and our reality. I've come to understand the importance of choosing my words consciously.

I AM The Power

I had an awesome vibrational healing experience facilitated by Astoria last weekend. He was telling me to breathe deep deep deep and let my breath out out out, let all the things no longer serving me go. I was having a hard time breathing in deep, I've been having pain at my upperback, as if I have a bend there and can't pull my breath in pass it. Then I suddenly became aware that I was waiting for him to "fix me". At that same moment I realized I AM the power and I started to muscle my way through while I consciously pull in a full deep deep breathe past that pain and keep breathing in and again and again and after a while my breathe becomes easier and the pain at my back ease off. I noticed I wasn't breathing in deeply because I was worried that I may breath in unpleasant smell, like his breathe coming out the end of the didjeridu or the incent-smelling smell of the instrument etc and that I was worried drawing in too deep a breath is going to make my dry throat hurts. Then I remembered the message from Michael earlier that afternoon and that I am safe, it is safe for me to breathe in deeply and when I did that I didn't smell funny smell and my throat didn't hurt. The energy from the vibration felt so good, and I feel so much joy in taking deep breathe after deep breathe, I feel light. Like all those heaviness inside me have been shattled and crumbled away. I feel so happy!

Celebrating Greatness

This week I unexpectedly celebrated my 50-people challenge. I don't think I've actually celebrated my accomplishment of that challenge before that. Many of the people in my 50's were there at the Holistic Living Expo yesterday and Seeing people responding and interacting with each other about that challenge in front of the 50-people poster really drive it home for me and hearing myself telling the story behind the challenge out loud, it suddenly came into focus for me right then and there - that greatness in me that I didn't see, all that evidence and now I finally SEE! I am so excited, this is totally in alignment with using my new eyes to find the simple greatness in me! And a few people even said that they are inspired - how I challenged myself in the last 100 days of the year, and how I kept going even when I missed that 100-day mark. I truly felt I was living my purpose and that makes me super happy. I just realized, celebrating my greatness is an important component in continuing to live my divine purpose.

I Enjoy Struggle!

When I heard "it's not struggle if I enjoy it!" fell out of my mouth the other day, I jumped and clasped my mouth! I was addicted to struggle and didn't even know it.

How could something be a struggle if I enjoy it? Yet my reality check tells me differently. There are still quite some struggling in my everyday life even though I've been focusing on ease and flow. You know how they say stop focusing on what you don't want . . . obviously it is not enough to not talk/think about it, as long as I still unconsciously enjoy it, I will continue to attract and manifest more situations for me to experience struggle.

I'm grateful for uncovering another misalignment to realign. When I find my day very trying, aside from reminding myself to be like the water in the river, check to see if I'm also "secretly" enjoying the struggle.

Uncertainty Provides Space for Exploration

If I always choose comfort and certainty, I miss out on discovering what new options are available to me. While there is a lot of comfort in familiarity because of the certainty it projects, and I go with it even if it is less than satisfactory because there is a sense of security to it. But that sense of certainty and security is really just an illusion. In this sense, when I find myself facing a choice of going down the road I am familiar with or taking the one I haven't travel, I would remind myself that uncertainty actually provides the space needed for exploration.

I Am Bigger Than My Thoughts

Now that the Giant Within me has been unlocked, a funny thing happened - I realized that I am bigger than my thoughts. In fact, it wasn't so much about unlocking the Giant Within me as it was about unlocking myself from my thoughts!

That's what all these unexplainable desires about pushing boundaries, and big lofty dreams of going to Tonga to swim with the whales and skydiving. It is my heart's way of giving me a taste of what it's like to be free of that prison, and prove to me that my thought is not my identity no matter how long I've identified myself by it. Because if it were, I'd never have swam with the whales, nor jumped out of an airplane. What holds me prisoner in my mind is my attachment to my thoughts.

The moment I realize I'm attached to any one of my thoughts is the moment that thought loses the hold on me.

Self Trust in Changing My Own Rule

Rules are not set in stone. Coming from the knowing of my vital needs empowers me to know when to change my rules to support me in getting more satisfaction. It is in this satisfaction that comes the lightness in the heart. This lightness feels so good, as if the inner happiness floodgate has been busted. I was on this natural high throughout the weekend.

Vital Needs

This week I am most grateful for uncovering my conditions for satisfaction and truly understand that those are important needs just like the need for air, water, food and sleep.

My conditions for satisfaction are:
- make sure I have a social calendar of doing fun stuff while connecting with friends and Tracy, especially during the weekends.
- make sure my commitments to my projects are met
- make sure I'm consciously planning the above 2 conditions so I'm in control of my wagon, not hanging off the back of it wondering how I got to be 3 weeks behind!

Accelerate My Forward Moving Momentum

Communicate my goals out loud and watch the world moves to support me in keeping my commitments to reach my goal. At the same time break my goal down to mini goals and put rewards in place for reaching each one.

This is my new strategy, a 2-prong approach to self supercharge in moving forward with my projects.

Engage & Disengage

Regarding my fear of falling, I finally realized it's not so much about giving up the resistance but being able to disengage from the instinctual respond of fight the fall.

And that led me to the next golden kernel, whenever I find myself not engaging, check to see if perhaps I have something else that I need to first disengage from.

Stuff vs. Experience

I discovered another silly limiting belief I had operating unconsciously - assigning a higher $-value to "stuff" I see and can hold in my hand than things like experiences. This realization led to a deeper understanding that money is just an agent in the exchange of energy.

We all have so much unique gifts to offer one another. As gifted as I am in my own specialty, I would still need other's gifts to help me experience what is outside of mine. As I allow myself the experience I also allow them to manifest their gift through facilitating my experience. Thus partaking in the flow of this grand energy exchange project call LIFE.

Intuition, Sensitivity, Vulnerability & Trust

I just realized another piece to honing my intuition, there is a direct link between my sensitivity and my intuition. I can't be holding back on one and expect the other to strengthen.

The stronger I'd like my intuition to be, the deeper I'd have to allow myself to feel and the key to be more comfortable with that is to simply trust that my heart knows. How deep I can go is dependent on how much I'm willing to be vulnerable. The ones I fully open my heart to also tend to become the most worthwhile ones.

Creating Forward

What a very powerful concept for shifting!

Whenever I am relating to someone about my day, week or month, I don't have to do it as if I'm "recording history" as I feel it. Even when asked to tell "everything" of my experience. Because when I re-tell how overwhelm, tired, frustrated, struggling, fighting or hating what I had to go through, I unknowingly re-create those as my current reality, it is no wonder I couldn't snap out of whatever funk I was in, I kept creating it. But that doesn't mean I have to deny or suppress my feelings, it is just that I actually have a fast-forward button on my "camcorder" when I replay it. I can fast-forward my "video" to parts that I feel excited, happy, grateful and a general feeling of enjoyment. And that is "creating forward".

Simple Faith

This week I'm most grateful for the realizing that I have finally unlocked the giant inside me! It is that very daring side of me that wanted to skydive for fun!

I've been on this quest for a long time, ever since I first felt the giant presence inside me, who would have thought the key to unlocking it is to jump out of an airplane?! Now it makes sense why I have this deep seated desire to skydive despite pee-in-the-pants scared. As far as big dreams go, this one was even bigger than swimming with the humpback whales in Tonga. Today I am even more a firm believer of going after any big dreams I have, especially the ones that come from deep in my heart. It doesn't matter if it sounds outrageous, far-fetch, humongous or even incomprehensible. Especially if it seems incomprehensible.

You see, it only seems incomprehensible because my mind hasn't catch up to what my heart already knows. With every dream I lived, I realize a little more power in myself, except I won't know exactly what it is until after I have done it.

I'm most grateful for the reminder of simple faith - the trust that my heart KNOWS. That simple faith gives me the courage to follow my heart, wherever uncharted ground it leads me to.

I have already jumped out of an airplane, I could do ANYTHING.

Fear of Height vs. Fear of Falling

Just lived yet another one of my big dreams - went sky diving last week. Yes, sky diving, me who's scared of height. I screamed like a girl after falling out of the plane!

This is the crazy part - I find myself entertaining the thought of doing more jumps. Not just doing it one more time, but getting good at it as in becoming a certified skydiver. I thought the massive amount of adrenaline rush must have caused temporary brain damage. But it’s been a week and the thought is still there and doesn’t look like it’s going away . . .

Guess what else I realized? I've got it wrong all along. I am not afraid of height! It was the fear of falling that has me freeze up when I’m in a very height place. I was standing at the door of the airplane, 15,000 feet above ground and I wasn't frazzled. I think that is one of the whys behind the attraction of becoming a certified jumper. Not so much to eliminate the fear, that would not be realistic, but to practice surrendering the resistance and embracing the fall.