Getting Up Close and Comfortable with Money

On my recent road trip to Mount Shasta, there were 6 of us in the vehicle, the one driving said she forgot to bring change for the toll, the rest of us responded we had change, someone behind me handed me a $20 while I just pulled some change out of my wallet. I was riding shotgun. I declined her money and used mine to pay for the toll. Afterward I noticed the real reason I declined the money is that I was not comfortable with receiving money! In my manifesting abundance I have been asking for more money to come to me yet I didn't realize I was that uncomfortable receiving money. Then I realized I have condition for my receiving money; only allowing myself to receiving money I have worked very hard to earn because I bought in to the idea of believing hard earned money is the only type of money deserves of my receiving. Which totally supports the other idea, that making money and getting rich is hard. Holy smoke! This is totally not in alignment with my intention for abundance! Wanting abundance yet limiting the ways I receive abundance . . . that is SO TOTALLY CONFLICTING!

In my journey of manifesting abundance I was led to the practice of prosperity consciousness through balancing giving and receiving. So following my recent discovery on how I can get comfortable receiving money (to simply release that self imposed condition of "only hard earned money is allowed") I also realized not only I'm more comfortable giving than receiving, I have some form of a scale that I'm always unconsciously measuring internally to ensure while I allow myself to receive, that it remains a second to giving, as if "god forbids I should tip that scale receiving more than I give!". But golly! God is not judgmental, I AM ! There is NO ONE keeping score on how much I receive or how much I give, if I feel there is, it's because I AM the one that is doing the score keeping, the comparing, the judging, of myself! I can receive and give as much as I want to my heart's contend, because the balancing between giving and receiving is not about keeping a 50-50 on my giving and receiving, it is about having the same EASE in my receiving and my giving!

It feels like my sense of seeing has become more keen, allowing me to see clearly and straight through judgement, illusions and limiting believes. I'm truly ready to receive. Money does come to me QUICKLY and EASILY, from all directions through many channels in a multitude of forms, ALL THE TIME !

Boosting My Thruster

Part of my history is the limiting belief that things are hard and that life is hard. And so in my decision to recreate my future, I started to focus on ease and flow. Noticing when I'm doing something with ease and when I'm in the flow of my "doing". And also noticing when I'm not, and how I can reconnect myself back to the ease and flow. So here's my latest discovery: when the going gets tedious or becoming a chore, take a moment forward to visit the finish line then double back to where I am. Knowing exactly how much further till "done" helps charge me up and shift me out of "this is hard, when's this going to end" drama. A useful alternate to "Eyes On The Price". Also, take a moment backward to admire the work already done, celebrating "how far I've come" helps rekindle my excitement in getting to the finish line.

Respect and Honor This!

As passionate as I've been about my own continuous learning, I was quite surprised to discover I sometimes unconsciously hold back my growth so that I would not surpass my mentors or teachers, especially when they are ones I look up to. They have guided me so much in my growth it just seems wrong if I surpass them because then they would no longer be my mentor or teacher, wouldn't that be same as being ungrateful and disrespectful of me? Wait. Now that I've heard myself said that out loud, it just sounded so . . . off from the truth; in fact it does have a ring of self-imposed limitation to it. Whenever I'm holding back it just feel like something inside is not quite "right", as if a piece of me is missing. I think that's because when I am not fully engage I'm not giving 100% of myself to life. It dampens the fire burning in my heart. Having tasted many times over how delicious it is to come fully alive with passion, this feels very much like a misalignment of my mind and my heart. In fact, I think I just realized something else: those who mind my surpassing them are not truly interested in teaching me all that they know and those who truly are interested in teaching me all that they know wouldn't mind! And the best to honor them is to keep learning and growing to the best of my ability! It is in honoring myself that I too honor them and their teaching. This, feels like what true respect is about.

Jealousy Is A Good Thing!

Tracy was showing me some of the awesome shots he took during a hike last weekend, they are beautiful close-ups shots. And then there's one particular shot that I notice I have some weird reaction to, almost like acid burnt but only at the edge and it was quickly stamped out like it hasn't happened, except for the stench in the air that suggested something did happened. Since I was paying super attention that night, I decided to investigate. I was in the middle of a 2-day workshop on Transforming Relationship Dynamics and the homework that night was to pay attention to how I get triggered. What I uncovered was that I was jealous of Tracy! More specifically, I was VERY JEALOUS that he is able to capture a shot like that, that as in the type of shots I'm still working at mastering! The thought went "how dare he be better than me, I'm the pro here!!" Ridiculous as it is, that thought did cross my mind! Then when I allow myself to feel that jealousy it was gone in a flash! And something in me shifted. Suddenly I could see Tracy creating beautiful photo series from all the very impressive floral close-ups he's done over the past few hiking trips, and I was even contemplating the possibilities of having a join show with him! I shared that with him and soon we were discussing the technical aspect of using the camera in my kind of favorite language - the layman English! What do you know, jealousy can be a good thing when I am aware I am being judgmental about it. Realizing that feelings are not something to be "fixed" because they don't define who I am. Feelings are really just something to be experienced. The more I allow myself to have a friendly relationship with my feelings, especially the ones that I'm less comfortable with, the better it is to my overall well being.

Come Away From Sucker Choice

I had a wonderful experience during my meditation last week. I started to feel a strong and persistent pressure on my 6th chakra, followed by "seeing" a concentrated projection of brilliant white light in the shape of a diamond appeared in front and slightly above my forehead. It is non-glaring and just suspending in mid air. I asked for clarity of the meaning, turns out my soul is sending me a message. "All things in moderation". A while back I was very stressed out so I started working on relaxation and de-stressing. And I've been staying up late playing games on my iPad, watching tv shows, and getting up even later. And I've not been doing and tracking keeping my budget because I was afraid of going into "money constipation" when I see how little money is left since I just did a few big purchases. And right now my purpose is to follow disciplines that serve my growth, not stifle it. It is important to exercise self-control but not to be self-denying to the point that it robs all sweetness from my life, or to be so indulgent that my excesses sicken me. Interesting that I was just wondering how come the more I work on "relaxing and de-stressing" the more I feel an underlying tension building - I was SO over-indulging myself with the games and tv shows and rationalizing that as the need to "de-stress", but my soul and my body is not buying any of that! How perfect is it that my soul's lesson for me is to "follow a spiritual discipline of moderation and avoid extremes of any sort"?!

I needed to hear that reminder "the option of all or nothing is the one choice that never works" because I do that a lot, in my effort to get off one extreme end I ended up in the opposite extreme end. I realize now, when I find myself in one extreme end, I don't have to get off it, I can choose to come away from there. And that it's time I release that belief of "work hard play hard" because it is no longer serving me, and it is so totally not in alignment with my intention of living with ease. Besides, I'm too easily confusing all-or-nothing with this work-hard-play-hard in my attempts to excel, which is really just another way of keeping myself to repeatedly choosing that sucker choice without even realizing it. Got the message loud and clear.

Micro-shift

I have been studying the art of allowing and the path of least resistance for a while and I finally come to realize that it lies in micro-shifts. The art of allowing, simply put, is about understanding what I have not control over and let go of trying to control it. And the path of least resistance is about shifting away from resistance because whatever we resist, persist. So now, more than ever, I'm practicing on really tuning in to my feelings, then using them as my guide to consciously micro-shift my thoughts. I've worked on making bigger shifts, the thing is just thinking about it feels tiring. Yet not thinking about it isn't doing much for me either. Then I learn this brilliant yet simple concept of focusing on the next baby step and then the next one right after that and so on. And in doing so created a path redirecting myself to come away from whatever I'm resisting with ease.

Here's an example: if I'm not feeling good, immediately check what is the thought I am having. I'm feeling frustrated and perhaps some what pissed that someone I'm counting on is not doing his/her job and as a result I have to go the extra mile to clean up after him/her. Yes I need to have a conversation with said person. But I'm so steeped in my feelings I'm resisting to have any contact with her, let alone getting myself to a neutral mindset with sincere intention for a productive win-win type conversation. I know I can shift the whole thing by focusing on the positive aspects of that person, but from where I am to there seems a huge step. If I just think "I'll think about his/her positive aspects later." I'm already shifting away from focusing on that person's negative aspects. I know this because I'm immediately feeling less negative. And then my next thought I focus on making the immediate next baby step, and then the next baby step. When I find myself unable to make the big shift, focus on making the baby ones. The sooner I shift, the faster I get back to feeling good again.